The Escape Artists : Oneshots:
Buddy Devine (aka Eddie frisk /Me but also eggastrated in his pain, his coolness, and all arround everything cranked up to 100% —-happens upon the treehouse gang after a night of painfull loneliness builds dis[ite his best efforts for them not too -witch in a non predatory way ar ethe extract kind of people the escape artist where looking for in fact they had been watching him for some time now wauiting to swoop in and take him in to have a night of pure forgetfulness, joy, bliss, and –genuiness, that he deserves –he deserves a night of realness to ceatch up to his endless, eacpining fansnies: and they see that, hence why the treehouse club exists, and so eddie for a while (dispite his suspension a group of people is too good to be true in the near future for one magical night, of love and fever and escapssim, has, zero rgeetes can let the shame the search go seeing people who truly understand him, truly wnt him and truly have been waiting and watch him grow and have been waiting for their moment to–say, hey we have been here all along, your family, your people and we–want you, we are just as freaky as you, we do–what you, have always dreamed of, we do it, and we, are here for you at last:
Part one:
Eddie’s last Lonley night blues:
I wonder through the campus the, world, so tired, so lost, wondering when It will end, the pain, the aching deep, blackhole in my heart, and I…tonight was the last straw, or notit wasnt because tomorrow will be too, and as ussal it doesnt matter if I feel grand and wonderful half the day, something spectacular happens I go to a club the place all the people here and people there of college and elsewhere say is the place the only real place to make new friends worth having worth keeping and I can see why, but regardless of…good events on paper, dorms come and go, move this weekend hopefully for good, so tired of getting tossed, forced to leave palce to place wanting to leave—all my life, never feeling at home, neveer having a home I —I want to set my roots down maybe this restless life of migrating and expeusion is my fate, though I cant stand it, and I really cant, I have no desire for meangliss sex, or interactions —-to waste my time and feel my voids I am…I feel back at all the squrreones, and I cant stand it, the fear my good friends backl home I spent years making will fade away like nate, my best fiend my brotehr faded away, chose a new group of feinds over me, the thoughts thomas thurned him against me, I cant hear out toxic thoughts —they as most other things mean nothing now….problems as sometimes the world feels so grey, so cold no matter where you go, you feel like its all slipping away from you time is…too fast and grey and its all so grey and where did the love go the feelings to bleed for you want to feel again you want the pain again you are so sick of this sinthetic life not just social media or whatevr is siad but…you…want to feel again to feel good, you tell yourself eddie this wont be your life forever but you have to choose a better life you cant just sit back and let your life wash by you are so tired
Life shopuildnt be this grey shouldnt feel this, unconeuqwnetual relationships, places futures and pasts shouldnt blend together –
You want something to live for again someone to love to hold to cry over to care about who you truly do, who you can commit yourself too, you are so full of love to give and romance you hate…how you sound who you fear you are becoming bitter and jaded you want to have fun again –
fun, joy through the pain, of the world and my past,I want-to be anything but numb anything but distant I want to have my heartbroken I want to care enough again to -to fall in love with a person
a man or a woman or someone who is far beyond that old game of gender, somone who, sees me for me, somone who, in the way you truly cant fake, makes my heart race, consumes my mind my longing makes all my life open up like a flower, inspires and tires me, makes me laugh and cry and take muy time and smell the flowers, someone who, –makes me, feel the ground beenath me again, like tomorrow and tomorrow is a endless time to look forward too like my money and my time are gifts to them, like –I know they will care just as much about me as them, I can, let my walls down, walls I forgot where there and I know,I know -they wont leave, somopne who is honest with me about who they are and what they want and why, someone who loves life, someone who makes me smile –
To fall in love, to give up control for someone, people are afraid to hear those words now, im in love with you,
but someone where I know-I just know despite all my comuncatoon issues with auasstim thattehy get me, someone kind and gentle and understanding but with many sides to them the potential to be snarky, fun the kind of chesmirtry that makes me love spending evry second with them, and mnakjes my heart beat
Somone who is as into me as I am into them
feel distant
He, genuinely feels so lonely sorrounded by other pepole, he wants to feel close to them,he is so sick of this charade this outsider dance, watching from outside the window as they do the same steps over and over, he (me, eddie) hates, and i mean hates feeling this way he doesnt like feeling depsrpate, i CAN BE TRULY HONNEST WITH YOU, MAN IT DOESNT FEEL LIKE i CAN MANY OTHER PLACES, i SIMPLY WANT TO FEEL SOMTHING OTHEER THEN THIS, i DONT WANT PEPOLE TO FEEL UNCORTOBLE OR –WHATGVER BUT, i CANT KEEP UP THIS SOCIAL FUCKING UP THING FORVER ITS SO PAINFULL, i NEED TO SERIOULY GET MY ACT TOGETEHR IF i EVER WANT TO
sO EDDIE. i
FEELS RIGHT NOW, NO MATTER WHAT i DO, OR HOW HARD i TRY,
(EVEN IF I GET PARLIZED BY –WHATEVER DISIRE, PROCRAATION, THE DIFIFCUITY GETTING IN THE WRITING ZONE, THE ZONE THATS MOPST NATURAL TO ME, ESSCPAIM BECUASE REALITY IS INCREAAINGLY PAINFUILL AND UNLIBLE EVEN IN ITS MOST, GENUINE FORMS ITS GETTINGBETTER BUT i NEED TO MAKE A REALITY A BETTER REALITY THAT IS LIVBLE —WIRTE MORE WRITE MORE AND MORE AND THATS WHAT THIS IS MY BASIC MY GO TO THAT I WANTED TO HAVE BACK HOME, THAT i WANTED TO HAVE WHEN ALL THE LONLEY GOSHSTS CONSUSME ME A DOCUMENT A LIBVBINH ONE WHERE I COUDL TAKE A BRREAK, LIKE THE WONDERLANDS AND NEVERLANDS BUT OF MUY OWN MAKING THE KIND OF TYHING THAT REALLY DOESNT NEED TO MAKE SEMNSE WJHWRE ALL THW RULES OF WRITING AND LOGIC AND TABOO AND PLEASING PEPLE GO OUT THE WINDOW AND EVEN SPELLING AND GRAMMAR BECUASE LIKE YTHEMAGIC OF ERUIM SAYS ITS REAL ALONGSID UR REAL LIFE IT BECOMES REAL THE MORE EMEMRSSED IN IT U GET AND SOMTIMES WHERN REAL LIFE JUST ISNT GOOD ENOUYGH U REALIUZE IS MOST TIMES U SIMPLY MUST CREATYE THE WORLDS U BELOG IN TOO SEEK OUT
sO THta what I wanna do, now write and write —--maybe one day someone will read im a dreamer the painfull kind of dreamer I am growing increasingly, agnozied in my lonely prisim —I want to reach out to peole I want to feel like my life is a life noyt just watching others go by like I mean anything at all
It was all of these things after my first week at a new college a hippie school like one id always dreamed of, had make fansneis of for so long but the pain of sytarting over with nop road map can be messu I just cried out to the golden gods outwide the metro styatipn the mall the normal grey ghosts the beautiful coforlorul sprits longing to be free I love you I see your dance once day ill jopin your watlz one day my style wonytbe an outlyer they used to say to me hgrowoing up, why fit in when u can stand out but
They never mention
the mayrts, the pain the lonely nights resgined how u feel like a bastard seeking the companiship havibg to settle for —peole long since having found their pepoeel and all the lonley people never quite finding eachother —you want to look into tired eyes and love you just dont want to have ur tether always cut off, but be pulled in, to the warm glow without being lead to false, loves like u have been made to over na dopvber lile a deer to teh slaugheter being kind and genuine always leads to getting ytakem advenege of but u are a soul aching to love and be loved, an alien in love with humanity but the love is unrequited
Your poetry will fall on deaf ears speaking a language not native to this land lost in trans;lation every time even when u just wanna say, hey I see u, u wanna spend some time, u wanna be my friend am i just nother wondering mab u only see someone trying to waste ur time, a sad pitiful display putting myself out there on he social stage full of cliges and bargains letting eachoher go and letting no one know, not in touch wither own soul when everyday we are at a constant war, arguring and barginging who we are, what we need to stay alive say Im alive im her eand Im young I have so much to learn why do you look atme like im so, so lost with susspsion and confusion when Im a weary traveler in ur land
whayevr happened to comp[assiomn curiosity assumionhg the best ans not the worst,
but inbstead I end up alone, directionless I believe in love I believe in eppole but I think evrbdoy put their walls up and is more afraid fo getting hurt then they thirst and yunnan to fall in love to feel wanted and loved, I just want you baby I just want to make you smile im sorry all the selfish batards before you made you loose hope in the men
made yuou loose hope in all the people
im sorry I cant lern the dance but I wanna try,im sorry
im happy you found ur tribe and cant leet every weary travler in, but im real real tired and wondering through the lonely dessrt got me thristy got me wanting some wisdom wanting to go on a social aventure spend sopme time with some wonderful people who never seem to want me, I love you I love you I love you I wanna take you away on a journey I wanna have funlets role play in the woods lets loose ourslesbvs in fiction
Lets run away together
No comments:
Post a Comment