Tuesday, September 24, 2024

list of art I'm gonna apply to suny new paltz art magazine submission due sep 27

Srpetkber 27th suny new paltz art magazine 
https://newpaltz.wufoo/forms/m1ch4bkp1o6yyqg/


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Friday, September 20, 2024

Escape Artists: Part one: (for real this time) the sunflower and the bee the adventure begins —(rule of three, trying ou to bette time mamamge —-Half an hour of homework a day, half an hour of writing in the owning an the evening half an hour of social plans —-whenever you feel make plans (try but only if u want to)

Eddie’s POV (twee inside movie, things finally starting to get moving) part one in the series —pov) setting up recurring charchtahters —-that are gonna again, be in the series as if this is where you go wheren real life gets to boring —escape artsists is just as real (magic ) 


The sun looked like a big sunny side up egg —that I was hungry for eggs.

I hated how fast the days were leaving by how the last few trimester I tried to get he magic going —to wirkte thease they came out sad, and disjointed but —-I’ve been feeling differently lately 

More sure

The voices, coming in, closer and more clearly gedion, max need them more then ever more clear —I dont need them but I want them I dont owe the world an explanation their mine their sacred I can feel things changing I can feel the world —-changing it doesn’t matter ——it doesn’t matter as much as you think it does, that shame, —-

The real of life will never be as exterioanry as my imagination and I dont care —I dont care what PEPOLE think —-I know I can feel their presence I wanna see them all the worlds out there waiting for me to bellow past the grey,our land of limits I know i can be one of the few who does it quiclety seeking them seeking the beauty beyond in my gods —-I can feel them and I want them to be more clear to bring less uncertainly less fear to come into focus us and I want them to guide me —-my imagination raw and real

Truth is—things have gotten real settled in here but I’ve been hungering for a magic the magic the wonder that I can feel in this town —-to wonder and get wisked away, and truth is, its only just begging.

I wrote along the inside of the leather bound book, trying to pretnd it was one of those magic sorrcsry books, on. The parchment paper with my ink pen, ——the kind I always dreamed of having as a kid tried to ge but perhaps did isnt have TEH a patience or skill to use with true ink to produce the effect of a true master of a siruorcer wintering in the old scrolls —-but now I’ve committed to things like that with much more dieictakion 

Writing with old ink

Time capsusesles 

Leaving love letters buying lockests for future loves, little chambers and chapels future hide outs and chambers in the country path ways to hide away in case the eorld goes mad again or I need to hide away with someone -to stash cash and —burry valuables in case things ever get bad, I buried some very important things in Woodstock no one knows about but me.

I think 


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Tuesday, September 17, 2024

Epic drag queen names/charhctyer prefomance ideas::::::

 me ---to a full blown draq queenb and im dead serious baby

1. miss Betty May (Chrtrsian mother, wife, and most wholesome southern bapist ignrant foloowering chrsitainoty or at least....chrsisnity if you littarly ignroed all the bad parts and basic reality of the chjurch and liattarly public perepction ---) amkes sex jokes and says funny things but the joke is she doesnt understand why their funny is stupid, and wholesome doesmnt understand her own sex appeal or, the bibble or really anyuthing --but is rwally funny --and is the crhrsian mother evryone wish they had 

2. Good n Plenty

3. Judi-sim

4.    names "Motrher Dekoda.Sunflower Aquaruis moonbeam -Riverraine, or Riveraine for short (Hippie chick drag charchters whos always high, has achived a higher consinouss, is telling crazy stories from the 60s, 70s, was maybe is in a cult, is 100 perfecent is, possibly a anti covid person (secrelty a conspericy thearpsit to paroduy that pipeline) as woowoo (might not go over super well) just telling crazy stories from the 60s, giving wiuld advice, little songs, singing peace songs, inucling oringal very silly songs that...are porbally just gonna be ---fake deep -----all about spriruality and reaching pepoles souls, just throw in alot of wowo buzz words, actual deep cut 1960s deep cut 60s refences clearly she is making ha;f of thje,m up lol

5. Concpet -(Alien named Bob who has nver been to earth and is my guest --to earth for a day, dodesnt know anything about earth culture, incuding gender, when I told hiom about it he found  it absurd -but highly fassunating, and entertaining -so (since his alien spcies has body swapping ablites) essuibnatlly the drag bit is I play bob (bob posses my body for reaserch perposes for his planet ) and just makes fun of human soccity ---espcially gender by --estiinally ---doing breif comedy skits ---about gender roles mocking the shit out of them from HIS ALEIN PERSPECTIVE based on crowd work, and the extreemly limited --earth knowlage he has on humans and gender I gave him while also reading halrious sorces --on stage that make him even more confused ---estinally comparing it to his spocity where ---his speices the blebs ---dont have genders they still have sexual attraction and mating but...its enetrily diffrent from human cultiure and just sounds way more chill and fun and (the whole joke is you wanan live on bobs planet becuasse they ahve solved all the worlds problems) but esstianlly he kust thinks gender is...really funny and totally silly and only make humans more stressed and he doesnt undertaand why you have them, but he thinks its funny to make fun of just like evrthing else about earth culture from his perfect pl;amnets perspective (will depevop this joke ferther but)


5. Drag queen (from the futuyre where drag queens rule the world jk --from thwe furtue to warn us and also make fun of us) 

6. Drag queen --who is world famous woman sicnists (Leela Bush) invents time travel and is doing experiments ---to see who in the aduince would like to be the first pepole in human history to travcel in time and has realluy funny and 100 proablmatic ideas of what time travelw ith be used for, as well as what she and you probally will do in the past ---witch is the point -------

7. Drag queen ---her whole personity is being a tripple agent (spy for the goiverment but u can never tell how many layers deep she is in is hse a double ahgent or a tripple agent, --is she spying on youy and feeding secrets about your secrets to the goverment (or just a sexy cpld war era spy wpold be more fun, but I likee a really shady bitch ---I donno reallyu just gotta master the wole im hiding somthing thing ---like you cant trust her ---shes metrious but also she might be taking down the goverment from the sinside

8. Drag Queen -who is just a shit post (says very random things lol thats it)

8. Drag queen who talks to the dead uhhhhhh (no)

9. Drag queen who is meant to be, (lol) A transwoman with an impossibly wholesome and borderline himbo persobiutty and a theme song ---Her name is princess Awsomeesaua a charchter witha theme song (a guy named joe who was the most boring guy in the whole world based on teh gussnis book of world records 2002, he hated his boring cargo shorts -boring hair his boring house, his boring polo shirt sand his --boring nickleback cd, he hated drinking monster and palyong call of duty and working at the hardwhere store after being too dumb to inllist and -never got married or even kissed even though ---he thinks its would tickle too much anyuway --untill one day he left new yearsy for the very first day --to go toe the DMV in brookylkn or somthing I donno and he saw some gay stuff and rememebred there were not boring pepole ----and they were smiling and feediung eachother tiny hot doghs in the park ---an joe became overcome with jelosusy and confsuion, oh what is this feeling inside ---why are all the ladies wityh pink hair and the sparikley dudes smiling when he ahsnyt smiled since Greenday realsed Dookie and that was...a super long time agoooo, ----but then joe raloized ---he could stop being boring too, and be happy too, so he ---went to outerspace and met himslef for the first time, wearing the worldst most bueatful pair of underpainst and the baueaty was blinding and it changed his life --and so he deicided to transofrm likea  beuatfull butterfly ---or a luttle frog in a puddle under the bustop in Trenton he takes to teh denist after gambling wiuth his stepdad ===Joe grew wings and cahngd right before the gods very eyes ---into a grogous godess named Princess Awsomesaua and she waa glrious and covered in rainbows and childrens hopes and dreamns, and she had magic powers it was then that she saw Jesus Christ ----in the nebula cloud that day --and jesuys he had been recrianted as Nick Cage, and he spoke Thus 

"princess Aswomesa, it is you, it was you all along im granting you the power of awsomeness, a godess, among humanb beings you have chosen this life but with great power. comes great respsobity--are you sure you want this?"

"yes! is tghat really yuou jesus"

"yes my child, love those heels btw, dont let those

hen one day he decudied being a dude was
10. 

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September 17th to do list

T0 do lisy babyyyy
Actually write stupid modernization essay
Like the whole thing 
Actually do readings and notes for history class babyyyyy at element 93 

Plan a little bit for this Saturday what to being what to do for first idderation of Killer queens club

4pm tutoring at old main male sure essay is good 

Student union bulding club timeeee
Go to club starting club at 7pm
Them go to Drag Club naming ceremony 🙄 yayyyy at 8pm

Write short stories for collection
Start work on queery letters
And new resume send to career office for follow up and send to remote job people to see if it works better and see if they approve of it
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Monday, September 16, 2024

my epux awsome gay 21st birthday plans 2024

Dante 
Skyler
Stephen
Feli
Etienne 
Probably some others 

Go to restaurant for birthday dinner
Then nyc comedy club to see show have some drinks sit in front row get 21 Ballon
Then go to stonewall in gay bar to dance then go to peer and eat some cake 🎂 

1. Evryone meets at Washington sq diner at 5
2then comedy club with this pass
Go to comedy cellar at 8pm our tickets 5pepole
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New Writing Scedule/Routine: Short story contests to submit to: (to publish too) get into routine write one short story a week —submit to one or two —magazines here, you will get into one or the other eentually:

 Submissions Resources for Publishing Your Writing


  1. DATABASES
    1. Duotrope
      1. Literary journals database (paywall)
    2. Poets & Writers Magazine
      1. Literary journals database


  1. BLOGS
    1. Bustle
      1. 12 Online Lit Mags You Should Definitely Read (or Even Submit To!)
    2. LitLine
      1. Online journals index
    3. Bookfox
      1. 30 Small But Awesome Online Literary Magazines
      2. Top 50 Literary Magazines Ranked by Website Traffic
    4. Authors Publish
      1. Opt in for their email newsletter, which provides publishing a wide variety of publishing opportunities across genres, such as This example for September 2024


  1. SUBJECT SPECIFIC
    1. PARENTING

HEALTH NARRATIVE

WOMEN WRITERS

Outdoors  


Submittable- Clearinghouse that submits essays to multiple journals


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My goals for this month —creative wise: Start writing actual short story collections,

 Start writing at least a few short stories for your collections (to submit to conesettstes) especially the list of ones —that Jane sent you in recent workshop —up to date


First collections shirt stories about unconventional love stories (heartbreak and painful lonleyniss, :

1. Phillips war rewrite with the Motley Crue (two revelatory war soldiers from opposite sides, who fall in love)


2. Hyprocrondratic, Person with munchousen syndrome, and man hiding /ahasmed of his termnal cancer disnsgonis 


3. short story version of centrum verde, 


4. Time for love reality tv show

5. New ideas: Man decides he’s going to kill himself and hides it from his friends, after hiding it for years like actual years —-his friends who are extremely neurotic and considerate and wonderful, (who already lost a freind to subside the previous year) instead of telling him they know he’s gonna kill himself on that date, they decide to take him on a road trip inside (the shaggy dog) a Parrade float covered in stuff, caprdad shagg that looks like squid tench ales cans, cut off, —basiclly trying to give him —all the stuff, that he has been missing not really understanding how depression works —-and how he feels like he will always feel empty, and unhappy no matter what “his life makes up” —-its not like they remind him like oh life is so great so you shouldn’t kill yourself —-but they actully show up for him, drop not everything but a lot of what they were doing ——dont blame Jake, dont make it his problem because they were neglecting him emotionally —-


6. Man deceivers a secret word that causes PEPOLE to fall in love with you

7. 

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Sunday, September 15, 2024

suny new paltz local spots to check out

Local Movie theater <see Beetlejuice wensday night when u Habs no class to celebrate 
http://www.greatmovieslowerprices.com/new-paltz-cinemas.html

Scrubbs bar cool dive bar to meet people take people out on dates
https://maps.app.goo.gl/ggdpnpVwmj1ZEHy7A

Join s9me local groups to meet people like the legendary new paltz Facebook grouo to stay up to date on news 
Suny new pakfx school Snapchat page school forums reddit page and more

As well as local MEETUPS PAGE
For a new creative writing workshop idealt a free one to replace ur one with jand young
1a polyamory _queer meetup group 
2" larp group 
3 film festival other stuff 
https://www.meetup.com/rochester-writing-workshop



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oracle newspaper 📰 cartoonist assigments new cartoon from.creative juices DUE EVERY Saturday at midnight

NEW CARTOON op Ed's from ur creative juices bit8ng satuire on modern life op ed collum 
New cartoonz due FOR THE ORACLE DUE EVERY SATURDAY AT MIDNIGHT ON GOOGLE DRIVE 
oracle google drive to summit to


Talk to other members of the newspaper in grouochat on groupmeet app

https://groupme.com/join_group/102370872/08Wfp0SD

Oracle meetings in student union building every Sunday at 7pm pitch new ideas for collums then related to article of the week or not

Read new issies here https://oracle.newpaltz.edu/

First draft comic about relationships issues expectations vs reality rather how people deserve better in realships and it's kind of bullshit how afraid commitment evryone Is
First draft 




 

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suny new paltz AUTSIM GROUP WEEKLY SCEDULE TIMES AND LOCATIONS

1, ] Monday 
ADHD GROUP 
3pm
HAB adminstratio bulding room.2o3
https://maps.app.goo.gl/UTVMmSCAiY5rAatG9


2] Tuesday

3wendsday



4thursday 
Creative writing autism workshop 
230pm
Hab 203

Walk and talk
12pm

3friday 
Walk and talk 
1_130pm
Hab lobby


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The Escape Artists (Play/format) --The extreemne comedy of errors and awsomeness:

 https://app.scripto.live/login


As it were, had held their invataion close to my chest going over another day of confusion aimlessness one peaice in a map of --life could be so many things for the first time feeling msyelf to bwe a part of it not just an outside factor perpislly extdeudeed ---but the invataion, with its red seal and oold aprhcment papper and magic msyustcial forces burnned into my dusty hands

"You noyt serisoully thinking of going? keener asked, as we sat in our hidden spot alwyas could get betetr at finfing thode out of sight out of mind, away from the campus hallaubaullu on a hill up high no one knew about it ---overlooking not jjust our campus loittle town but it felt as if the wolrd -sitting up here with them two, the two only peepole thease last few weeks where ive been going abovce an dbeyond to make freinds to stay sain, to find some light to keep me going through the grey throuygh all th ebullshit the meaninglessness the empty the bullshit the thgere ios npothoinf tno light to live for shit ---Keener and Alice always did sewem to keep me comapnuy unlike how ia felt most would responsd to such an invataion with suspesion of the unknwon ---even my at home freinds, best freinds, who I felt compsuesivly compelled to wirt ethem off as a cult, just to put it in thier minds that they were here in real life that they did come by and the story uis gouing on outside of me---but the kilelr queens are no cult, they are wonderfull they had been trying to break throhygh to get me to embrace my powers of imagantoon --and reeach out to them to spend time and I have been wanting and wanting and wnating nothing more ---and now I am closer then ever, ahving finally reclection and comfdoting to look back on thier visits to me ---with stable mind ---or I just need to convince myself of that or everthing else will fall apart they---wanted me they were here and-----I felt like finally my dreams were comming true at first I thought oiyt was too good to be true, the first and then the second instance I saw them in their bueatfuil float then thwe hiuppie bus then I couldnt deny it waas them, manx, gedion, then the elders, then loyd, athenea, stew,niki, all of them from all relms all the time wer ethere --they had been seraching for me to be their illunator they had been doing their work alalpheiemphs work ---of spreading creaitivty ---the age of creaiavity of imagnation has only just begeun ---but their inavation to visist them tonight after siunset --to finally spend time afer my mind has been so lost this week is...impoiranat to me, its impoirant to me, becuase i have been missing them calling out as my voice has been dimming. our phycic connection with the magioc of eruim, now I jave no doubt of, but...thios whole week I have only been ancious becuase evrthing in my life has dispsoitniong ---I cannot have them disppsoint me, becuase if the magic even they are dsiospint even my own imagnation the magic is gone, what do i have left to live for truly


"Keener, you...of all pepole you would understand my muse" I said somwehat starcasticlly to him, lying against the big solid willow tree, all in black, his black skinny jeans black turttle neck, black spikkey hair sleeleked over one eye and blakc somehat dripping eyelinner to match along with an almost done ciggrete as he leaned in close with Alice getting up --messing up our red and white picnic blanket as she rose, her black ankle dress and white scraf white moth hair bow flowing in the dim twolight breeze as she turnbed back on the redcord player to play the crane wives, take me to war--in the backround as the sun set behind us

"Tell us, I know...you have been dying all week"

"I have been dying all week its true" i said, looking off into the disnicne relazing into my posture, my chest heavy the stiches where my chest was sweed into palce aching --my heart heavy and tense, my body riddle with shivers and unfinsiehd quests -unwahnsed questions, phomo  a body overlfowing with vibrations and elelrtifctry of the gohsts, at the mery of times great lash, never enough nevr doing enough with the time I have never can dream enough never can live enough nev er safufiied in my skin, never can fill --the hours the blood, the words, the days the pepolke, I looked into his eyes an egear muse I didnt want to get my hopes up about his disire to be painted and insprie somsone gassed me up syree but surely woulkd end in pretentious jeudgment and unffilled dreams but up here aawys from unquaiuifed, inasqcure pryuing eyes that seemed tro always linger, I leaned in close enough to kiss his holowed bones witgh fill conifiden thbat seemd to set him ablze, I had grown --exited to grNt him, to bee an artsist somonmee like hoim could look to, it gave me perpouse to not let him down, or anyone else for that matter now in arts final hours of thge world.

"Here I havent read the invaation in a while--"

"Delzixia being a bitch today would you liek me to read it for you, a formal reading" keener said, in a mockish dandny accident making me giigle-scooting clooser to me unfoding the crupled letter and clearing ghis breath, as al;l my fears for the futrye fell away all I could see were his grey eyes so full of hope and exietement, right here, in the rpesent, and joy for me, all I'd been missing so sourl;y all my soul had been so imposisbly scrapped hollow, so drprivbed off so surllry my statyus qou had been a watsleand of wastalnds --an ossiais of watsalnds ---now --having to refirbuisha  creative paridise in hell, not alone, for the first time in cnetries my heart could hardly take the relaisty of...errnest compasnionship as thwe warmth  of his perfect skinny shapped armes brushing up next to my blue, bvelevst -coat made tingles run throiugh the grass and blanlket benanth our vertdveveie, ---the letetr -life he mad eit all seem so, incodesicous so unserious, why, why not with him, and alice, it was all a joyfull noice, a wilde ride of creative absusirtity, of creativee perpouse and plesure eitehr way the wiaght lifted and the letetr heard I finally said agteer an eieneity

"ill go" 
"yes, now ypou need to tell us all about it, espcial;ly after newspapper club, see I told you things would look up"

"S[peakionmg of looking up look you moraons its that plane that avderisies love potions --u think it crossed over from another demtion oh wait thats viagrga pills" we laugehd and danced --the nighgt away 

"


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Thursday, September 12, 2024

Events I wanna go to for my Birthday and other stuff (with freinds and otherwise)

 Things (comcunity's I wanna try being in -this year ---eprrineting to see if I can find a more accpecting sense of cocummuty in them, or not:)


1. Furry conventions /furry community?Becuase of many reasons but 

        1. 

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Tuesday, September 10, 2024

The escape Artists: Part one (Meeting the true Killer Queens, The Escpae Artists) —THe treehouse

 The Escape ARtists:

Book One: Escpae to Everland

Reminder -of what this project is and what it means in case I get swept up in real life, sadness or forget —read this to remind me my joyful, positive ingestions to write this as a safe place with incredible pepole who want me, who have been talking of me, as I am who know me, who need me my imagination me in all my forms —and are just as real as any other fictions person I talk to;

Know know shame write anything regardless of morals, taboo 

Escpae artists isnt a story its a fantasy (create a world fully just as real as ours, a safe one, to enter into whenever life becomes unbabrle in its emptyniss and uncertainty but also in its tenuous small drips of love and incredibleness small bits of love, of achievement of hope, of realness so far outside of your control —-that you have long been fighting for —-

Here with your imagination you will rebuild 

The powers of imagination the holy magic you must believe you caniamagine a world —like the internet —-to live in alongside the real, just as the real becomes less and livable as it becomes a yin yang 

The wonderful fanstasy of life the Escpae artsist make for you isnt a reaplcement of real life but related a manatee to get back in touch with yourself and realize your true poetical  a mirror world of what life could be in all it forms

Story (fansny) is:

Experimental (no form, no care for story structure many different plots going on —-will be guided by pleasure what story what scene what place I want to write about rather then a linear or even non liar story —not all positive some based on catharsis or fullfiling emotional romantic needs I have not met 

As my written life -to be imagined 

—-will give me courage and stenegeth and solace that even if my “real life”comes up short —-I am living here and through me its always safe, always here even if I have no page no written form as long as I live as long as I can imagine —the story contains

So—remember 

You are writing to feel joy 

Creating an expansive world, (a playground) of witch you can live in, TEH treehouse the druids choosing you, for the time Tavel for—all else and every other story the killer queens go on -every other Fanstsy sexual or otherwise —-set in a world a Miri riot world to my own where all is eetqtrtred and heightened to its greatest extremity to its most liiattary easy to live with format —-tropes and fiction fansny are what PEPOLE remember —-

Remember to ignore all pressures for publishing 

All pressures of form aside from experiencing with them for the sake of charchtwrs different interests and your own creative desire to expand the richness of the story but overall its about the fansny and the ememrrnessnes of he experiences

Not telling a “compelling” story 

just remember that

You will never show anyone any of the drawings comics maps or items related to the Escpae artists ——you will never do so, ever, write as if this is he true life you are living at the time though your self instert writing is simply your magic in TEH story at work your eruim —-your power not yet unlocked

And when life gets wild —-and you cant do your homework due to time and pressure and ADHD and not understanding it or the metrials —-when mental illness and life’s slowness and confusion consume you in your pocket you always have a portal to Everland —to your truest freinds and wha the want from you—a world everexpanding of your own making —-far more grand, more complex then you or anyone can ever rea;like you have no idea where the story is going —

But somthing in your life full of joy —full of joy —

Where morality and justice is Wynette truly worth it (killing of a users and phyctstrists —-making things fun, but not totally unrealistic —-

A sandbox to explore every emotion deep injsdi3e you

Every grand idea —-every fansny —every musketry genre time period possibility —-to be any person to love any person ——to life any life and tell any story 

Sex scenes murder —exploring every taboo or not depending on what you desire to write at the time and where it takes you—-not writing if you dont want to, even having your adhd being part of the writing form (a form of ping ponging ideas down the stream of conspicuous an Experimental expression of inbounding imagination —-not just expressing your menatal illness in a literal sense but finding transgressive ways through TEH charchtwrs to cope —-modeling what good parenting love and art justice family —look like 

exploring all topics for the point of pleasure and 


Remember while writing it

Unlike all your future short stories 

You can write it on blogger on google docs, Escpae artists is yours, its—-whatever you want it to be

You can write it as a comic, write it as TEH short stories on here or stop writing it together and replace it with somthing much better down the line but its about your pleasure your fansny —to live through it and dance and enjoy it not suffering under the belt but writing my way out and through and imagining my way out and imaging my way through life —realness of what anyone else says you dont have to tell a soul about it in fact you shouldn’t —if you are not in stressed in baearing the witness yo theri jisgemegt especially your fathers as you know what he will say and what many similar fillstine closed minded pepole will say:


It will be your secret your connection to Everland no one knows but you —a secret a sacred thing that makes you feel safe and special when all else falls away or seems Grand but overcoming and out of your control and confusing as it often does —-becuase it doesn’t have to.

Great art is often not understood great art is often quite useless and quite wonderful 

And find joy again in the quotes the poetry the discretions inducement of wonderful secnenry the music the taking your time enjoying the moment the emotions the characters —-their dynamics with or without you how they view you —-how you imagine manny view you but simply cant tell you or if they knew you the real you, they would say so —or your real freinds someday will:

A story to give you hope to give you life to give shape and construct to a mind often lost in the frustrating soup of its own workings —-a story that embraces, celebrates raelmims doesn’t deny the hardship of but —-heals and makes a pathway through away from the judge mental —“real world” that were are not doomed to walk like shadows through alone

that anxious, traumatized, true mind —can be color and imagination and i would rather focus on it, bask in the color the madness the Guinness, stop denying it, and live in it, and dance in the inebtween -let what has been calling me there to the positive joyful land —-on that other side beyond finally Warner its call, telling me of my true powers,not going through the real worlds pathway for true happyniss 

But much more through imagination as when I was young -

Healing the inner child through shameless true, bueatful joyful, series is my most theaprtuic activity —-and all the time in the background of life using life as inspiration for new stories —and vise Vera ——and stop stopping myself from starting this joyful life here just becuase —-of the stress o school its time 

It’s time to write my life here to imagine it as It was always calling me, in its white spiraling trueness its time



Now to 

Eddie’s diary entry the dandy diaries 

Part one: Confessions under a parnylized willow tree of a man —learning to dance.

Eddie’s POV (September 10th, 2024 -the first day )



I was tired at the end of the second day to the third week, but In truth I forgot how it all started what I was doing here

But in truth sadly even when I didn’t want to be, I wanted somthing it could be said —-was never going to fully happen for me a true fresh start like those Victorian wemon who lie about their sordid dark pasts in vile boarding schools (as my own) and say they are gentleman from far off lands to run off to join the army to fight in, distant wars or—live some other who second, true life of theri own and now —-I often yurn for somthing so real a clean break from my past cutting the twisted razor, the fates thread of life tying me to one to one work of art I no longer yurn to run from but to reclaim though doing so is…how do you do such a thing

How does one reclaim a past without simply letting it consume them how does one, become a phenoix and fly away without turning into an incongruous and burning their own wings off flying uncharted into a blazing sun —-I promised myself long ago I would not be a coutatratry tale —-

That’s the thing about you, Hamlet or I suppose today you are more like Scott Favor, having me stuck in my own preciaours promise of love and dark Portland hsuters corners —destined to only drag me back to hell and hell and hell and hell becuase you think it’s wonderful and it’s where I always am destined to be, am destined to be, —-you dont really understand you dont rally understand I said to them on the phone —-my new shrink and my other new shrink at that nice school lounge like a realdesprpaite little office —-having that ral understanding career lady clock me as mentally unstable felt like a knife trying to be professional cant even without getting shoved into a crisis center when I —-was —well I wasn’t fine —-but it didn’t help —-I said but I didn’t say becuase we only had an hour and I only talked about my past same old same old with Johnny or Scott or more like Johnny that regular dark bastard not hamlet today its real hard to see him as romantic or even the tragic or theatrical kind of horrible —-the kind of bastard friend you cant get rid of, I told them though with everthing I could I said —-hey you right shrink you know what its like to have ptsd im running out of time…and im stuck in time frozen 

In hell

Im trapped ————I cant speak your lalaguge doomed to be a lover to be in love love love disorring romance connection true connection true bonds so strongly so much to my bones it crumbles my soul with a world so powerfully and so much more—-more and more —-a world more grey and looking more and more the same every day I can hardly tell it apart TEH days and building and years elections and blend together —-I wish my life didn’t 

I say you don’t understand what it like to have PTSD maybe they do, but It’s agaony —-living in hell, when you want to live in the present most pepole exist that is all you didn’t serve hell only to have Johnny say —-force you drag you kicking an dscramming back to the padding rooms of Utah like its a perfect edgy daydream like …you want to feel it again to be there anymore like you aren’t ashamed to sound like a broken record like—-you dont wish for more in you present to latch onto even if you had endless love you fear you would still be at Johnny’s mercy its horrible thing —-


But I didn’t say that

All mental Illneses I try to think of them like in new ways all the time so they are easy to live with since I have to many to keep track of —since 

As I sit under the willow tree at atop the mountain watching the sports games and the PEPOLE walk along the bridges the hippies and loves and…wish and hipe I would be doing better things by now, I say things all the time—-like im stuck like my life should be different by now should be better sure that’s pressure but I —-feel so, empty 

It’s a true agaony a 21st centerry anauie I cant help buy feel pernetious for even expressing poetically or not

I hate my life

I am comnsomic flower, a magic blue velvet head of infinitive feverish -cant be contained want the adventure want the love I was denied 

I lived Half a life was written off and ignored —-as the timing are as far too many are

I lived —I suffered more then I can Basar and im tired of carrying this pain so much I want to force others to be mentally ill to see what I epeince to suffer too 

I want them to see what’s it like to be locked up —when theri 14 incocent just want love in their youth the assylm that stole their youth Their youth only for the world to only get colder more composited not just complicated but…loosing all its…sense the men with no imagation who configured our world —-I have been slipping away from this world for a while now not like I wanna kill myself or anything but…I cant explain it I have just been having visions having…bizarre visions of…the future of a past the fansny we remember that we were denied of a queer family of a real life remeaigiend the past as it was the stories we were never told to models our life after of libration found family and queer love —of imagination 

I think imagination is coming back to me…its coming back to me, and I love it but im scared —-I hate how the world has sucked all TEH color from my bones I hate how my past made me unfit to be in it fullfiling their prophecy but somtimes I wonder, what my future holds I cant be sad forever but whenever I go whoever I meet nothing changes —-I am always haunted by my past and cant never burst out of this bubble —-man ——and become the artsist the true artsists I was born to be=-

Like somtimes I think I was born to be —-far more TEH I am to burst out my talents are being so ignored —but then I realize —being famous or susfull n this world isnt really somthing I would want it or is it? And —-would I wanna be sufufusll —even though that’s the only metric of success in our world that I feel like im suck in pergtory the in between I haven’t given up on yet I still live in I believe in I just have stopped waiting for a savior stopped thinking all my dreams are gonna come true stopped expecting so much from life even if I think I delve and should imagine so much more becuase life is—-truly so short and it seems to be getting only more grey and confusing and hard especially for someone ;like me hard to find time, hard to feel joy hard to, do, anything I actully wanna do and after a lifetime of torture I dont wanna talk about but also need and want to find a way to radically heal and get justice form in a way I haven’t yet discovered —-

I also think even though I would get restless and tired I do just wanna settle down, im so tired of fighting of…all this, Im so tired so tired of evething I’ve been doing in life so far.

I just wanna find a husband I like and…settle down. That’s all I want at this po8bt but —-I would get bored —-I know it, but also I do just wanna rest ESSINATLLY with PEPOLE who are kind and understand me as I feel like no one, does and very few do, 

Often times i 

I yurn for adventure —-to overpower the voi9ces saying im reckless not ready to austic and I can’t handle it and I just wanna run off with PEPOLE who understand me will convince me we will change the world to get rich to Chang TEH world or find a new one I just need to find artsist who udnetnad me that I am not like EVRYONE else truly im aware many thing that—-but its becoming clear for me its…different im truly not like EVRYONE else and I’m not shy about it…I need and I want to be a part of TEH world but the world makes it clear and has for years it doesn’t want me as I am or even as I was hiding and being someone I wasn’t and dying on the inside I —


I just need to 

making me go on like a broken record 


I was reminded by Hamlet though today he was more like—-

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Monday, September 9, 2024

Tge escape artists 🎨: what it is this ⏲️ to refer bak to when writing.

The escape artists /killer queens club
Is whatever I want it to be
Written across any and all mediums 

1' This blog in weekly /daily story updated 
2' google docs documents
3 massive scrap books elaborate notebooks you buy at bookstore and art store 
4 comics whatever Notebook u have on you uploaded to blog 
3 pepper notebooks 📓 fun extra lore and metrics from fake historical documents codes love songs charcuter drawings song lyrics maps and more plans secrets plans and more
4whatever arrsric medium you want

The escape artists is an endless ongoing story <with several spiraling out storylines >
A choose your own adventure style hut less sryrvtured where tge most fun path to write for me gets focused on at all expseivd even if dtop earthing else yo wrote UT and come back yo earthing else later
It's an experimental series 
Explicit vector for me to enjoy writing again 
Writing and life as writing is one of NY greatest joyd in life
Explore complex and taboo thoughts without holding anything back truly anything 
Focusing on emersion 
Indulgence into joyful situations you want to experience someday 
From domestic bliss
To time travel to fantasy adventure 
Let your pleasure guide you what you enjoy writing 
The main cast pop are characters who are lead do exciting to be interesting in their own rig hr and more so explore the most fun and joyful friends you can have 
Model an ideal uplifting gound family of all ages personality types alongside your life
That actulky loves and Centers you 
Writing this alongside your life
Call if a writing exierse witch it is
But you need want to write this to be happy 
To let your imagination flow 
Like your writing teacher said affirming what you akready knew to explore who you are and what you wajrvijlife witch will dictate all the rest in the best possible way
Writing on my own terms redifing a new 


Part One:
(Eddie (me) POv
Summery: gets letters. signs, and then he tsrats getting letters and that lead him to a magical chest in the woods (witch is a time capsule)pinting himn to teh eveinde the druids alkready used the time spell, --that he was already chosen as one of the few ytriue illunators left in the prhophets relm ---
Whos imnagnation (eruim magic) was so powerful it opned AN ALENETE earth called Everland, where imagnation is far more poweful the druids in agrtgra and monore are powwering but the magic and the power of teh illnations imagnation is flowing powering the latenrate weorlds createing more and more, witch will flow back into our world slowly startying the age of imagntyion (the holy war also helping them win) Buit esstinally ---they have to realize their own true power all the illunators do its part of the proephecy ----
And essinatlly thats (this) is the first step, (but it sets the scvene how this first few weeks of school anbd for a while in my life, noy myu whole life but for a whole alot of teh main cast of the treehouse gang/the true killer queens/escpae artysist (same tghing/but two sepaprte setcsts of the true creatice crusaudors tehy current group who have been livibg the life for some time now with the help of Rodierim or Tommy falconridge, the roge druid who fucks with hujans abd other druids for his ow amamusemnt. 


CHARCHTERS:

MAX 
lYCESANDER
lOYD 
tREVOR
aTHENA
VORTIA

tHOMAS
CHUG (REALLY FUN, 70 YEAR OLD HUPPUIE WITH A MILLION CRAZY STORUYES ABOUT BEING AT EVRY HISTROCISAL EVENTS EVEN ONES THAT MAKE ZERO SENSE, HES LIKE A WHOLESOME GRANDPA THAT HAS THE WONDERFUL HOUSE DOWN THE STREET FROM "HOUSE/HOUSE" "kILLERQUEENS/TREEHOUSE HQ" OR AS WE CODENAME NICKNAME THE MAIN TREEHOYSE, OUR MAIN HQ MEETING SPOT AT THE TREE OF LIFE, HQ WHERE MOST OF TEH EVENTS GO DOWN, HALF OF US LIVE, MEET AND ALL THE ERUIM MAGIC (MAGIC AMULT ON THE CNETER OF THE TREE IS LOCATED ----"gREENWITCH VILLAGE" AS WE IRONICLLY NICKANMED IT;






in the proeccy the killer queens in the aliernate earth known 

The Escape Artists : Oneshots:

Buddy Devine (aka Eddie frisk /Me but also eggastrated in his pain, his coolness, and all arround everything cranked up to 100% —-happens upon the treehouse gang after a night of painfull loneliness builds dis[ite his best efforts for them not too -witch in a non predatory way ar ethe extract kind of people the escape artist where looking for in fact they had been watching him for some time now wauiting to swoop in and take him in to have a night of pure forgetfulness, joy, bliss, and –genuiness, that he deserves –he deserves a night of realness to ceatch up to his endless, eacpining fansnies: and they see that, hence why the treehouse club exists, and so eddie for a while (dispite his suspension a group of people is too good to be true in the near future for one magical night, of love and fever and escapssim, has, zero rgeetes can let the shame the search go seeing people who truly understand him, truly wnt him and truly have been waiting and watch him grow and have been waiting for their moment to–say, hey we have been here all along, your family, your people and we–want you, we are just as freaky as you, we do–what you, have always dreamed of, we do it, and we, are here for you at last:




Part one:

Eddie’s last Lonley night blues:

 

I wonder through the campus the, world, so tired, so lost, wondering when It will end, the pain, the aching deep, blackhole in my heart, and I…tonight was the last straw, or notit wasnt because tomorrow will be too, and as ussal it doesnt matter if I feel grand and wonderful half the day, something spectacular happens I go to a club the place all the people here and people there of college and elsewhere say is the place the only real place to make new friends worth having worth keeping and I can see why, but regardless of…good events on paper, dorms come and go, move this weekend hopefully for good, so tired of getting tossed, forced to leave palce to place wanting to leave—all my life, never feeling at home, neveer having a home I —I want to set my roots down maybe this restless life of migrating and expeusion is my fate, though I cant stand it, and I really cant, I have no desire for meangliss sex, or interactions —-to waste my time and feel my voids I am…I feel back at all the squrreones, and I cant stand it, the fear my good friends backl home I spent years making will fade away like nate, my best fiend my brotehr faded away, chose a new group of feinds over me, the thoughts thomas thurned him against me, I cant hear out toxic thoughts —they as most other things mean nothing now….problems as sometimes the world feels so grey, so cold no matter where you go, you feel like its all slipping away from you time is…too fast and grey and its all so grey and where did the love go the feelings to bleed for you want to feel again you want the pain again you are so sick of this sinthetic life not just social media or whatevr is siad but…you…want to feel again to feel good, you tell yourself eddie this wont be your life forever but you have to choose a better life you cant just sit back and let your life wash by you are so tired 

Life shopuildnt be this grey shouldnt feel this, unconeuqwnetual relationships, places futures and pasts shouldnt blend together –

You want something to live for again someone to love to hold to cry over to care about who you truly do, who you can commit yourself too, you are so full of love to give and romance you hate…how you sound who you fear you are becoming bitter and jaded you want to have fun again –

fun, joy through the pain, of the world and my past,I want-to be anything but numb anything but distant I want to have my heartbroken I want to care enough again to -to fall in love with a person 

a man or a woman or someone who is far beyond that old game of gender, somone who, sees me for me, somone who, in the way you truly cant fake, makes my heart race, consumes my mind my longing makes all my life open up like a flower, inspires and tires me, makes me laugh and cry and take muy time and smell the flowers, someone who, –makes me, feel the ground beenath me again, like tomorrow and tomorrow is a endless time to look forward too like my money and my time are gifts to them, like –I know they will care just as much about me as them, I can, let my walls down, walls I forgot where there and I know,I know -they wont leave, somopne who is honest with me about who they are and what they want and why, someone who loves life, someone who makes me smile –

To fall in love, to give up control for someone, people are afraid to hear those words now, im in love with you, 

but someone where I know-I just know despite all my comuncatoon issues with auasstim thattehy get me, someone kind and gentle and understanding but with many sides to them the potential to be snarky, fun the kind of chesmirtry that makes me love spending evry second with them, and mnakjes my heart beat

Somone who is as into me as I am into them

feel distant 

He, genuinely feels so lonely sorrounded by other pepole, he wants to feel close to them,he is so sick of this charade this outsider dance, watching from outside the window as they do the same steps over and over, he (me, eddie) hates, and i mean hates feeling this way he doesnt like feeling depsrpate, i CAN BE TRULY HONNEST WITH YOU, MAN IT DOESNT FEEL LIKE i CAN MANY OTHER PLACES, i SIMPLY WANT TO FEEL SOMTHING OTHEER THEN THIS, i DONT WANT PEPOLE TO FEEL UNCORTOBLE OR –WHATGVER BUT, i CANT KEEP UP THIS SOCIAL FUCKING UP THING FORVER ITS SO PAINFULL, i NEED TO SERIOULY GET MY ACT TOGETEHR IF i EVER WANT TO 

sO EDDIE. i 

FEELS RIGHT NOW, NO MATTER WHAT i DO, OR HOW HARD i TRY, 

(EVEN IF I GET PARLIZED BY –WHATEVER DISIRE, PROCRAATION, THE DIFIFCUITY GETTING IN THE WRITING ZONE, THE ZONE THATS MOPST NATURAL TO ME, ESSCPAIM BECUASE REALITY IS INCREAAINGLY PAINFUILL AND UNLIBLE EVEN IN ITS MOST, GENUINE FORMS ITS GETTINGBETTER BUT i NEED TO MAKE A REALITY A BETTER REALITY THAT IS LIVBLE —WIRTE MORE WRITE MORE AND MORE AND THATS WHAT THIS IS MY BASIC MY GO TO THAT I WANTED TO HAVE BACK HOME, THAT i WANTED TO HAVE WHEN ALL THE LONLEY GOSHSTS CONSUSME ME A DOCUMENT A LIBVBINH ONE WHERE I COUDL TAKE A BRREAK, LIKE THE WONDERLANDS AND NEVERLANDS BUT OF MUY OWN MAKING THE KIND OF TYHING THAT REALLY DOESNT NEED TO MAKE SEMNSE WJHWRE ALL THW RULES OF WRITING AND LOGIC AND TABOO AND PLEASING PEPLE GO OUT THE WINDOW AND EVEN SPELLING AND GRAMMAR BECUASE LIKE YTHEMAGIC OF ERUIM SAYS ITS REAL ALONGSID UR REAL LIFE IT BECOMES REAL THE MORE EMEMRSSED IN IT U GET AND SOMTIMES WHERN REAL LIFE JUST ISNT GOOD ENOUYGH U REALIUZE IS MOST TIMES U SIMPLY MUST CREATYE THE WORLDS U BELOG IN TOO SEEK OUT 


sO THta what I wanna do, now write and write —--maybe one day someone will read im a dreamer the painfull kind of dreamer I am growing increasingly, agnozied in my lonely prisim —I want to reach out to peole I want to feel like my life is a life noyt just watching others go by like I mean anything at all


It was all of these things after my first week at a new college a hippie school like one id always dreamed of, had make fansneis of for so long but the pain of sytarting over with nop road map can be messu I just cried out to the golden gods outwide the metro styatipn the mall the normal grey ghosts the beautiful coforlorul sprits longing to be free I love you I see your dance once day ill jopin your watlz one day my style wonytbe an outlyer they used to say to me hgrowoing up, why fit in when u can stand out but 

They never mention 

the mayrts, the pain the lonely nights resgined how u feel like a bastard seeking the companiship havibg to settle for —peole long since having found their pepoeel and all the lonley people never quite finding eachother —you want to look into tired eyes and love you just dont want to have ur tether always cut off, but be pulled in, to the warm glow without being lead to false, loves like u have been made to over na dopvber lile a deer to teh slaugheter being kind and genuine always leads to getting ytakem advenege of but u are a soul aching to love and be loved, an alien in love with humanity but the love is unrequited

Your poetry will fall on deaf ears speaking a language not native to this land lost in trans;lation every time even when u just wanna say, hey I see u, u wanna spend some time, u wanna be my friend am i just nother wondering mab u only see someone trying to waste ur time, a sad pitiful display putting myself out there on he social stage full of cliges and bargains letting eachoher go and letting no one know, not in touch wither own soul when everyday we are at a constant war, arguring and barginging who we are, what we need to stay alive say Im alive im her eand Im young I have so much to learn why do you look atme like im so, so lost with susspsion and confusion when Im a weary traveler in ur land

whayevr happened to comp[assiomn curiosity assumionhg the best ans not the worst, 

but inbstead I end up alone, directionless I believe in love I believe in eppole but I think evrbdoy put their walls up and is more afraid fo getting hurt then they thirst and yunnan to fall in love to feel wanted and loved, I just want you baby I just want to make you smile im sorry all the selfish batards before you made you loose hope in the men 

made yuou loose hope in all the people 

im sorry I cant lern the dance but I wanna try,im sorry 

im happy you found ur tribe and cant leet every weary travler in, but im real real tired and wondering through the lonely dessrt got me thristy got me wanting some wisdom wanting to go on a social aventure spend sopme time with some wonderful people who never seem to want me, I love you I love you I love you I wanna take you away on a journey I wanna have funlets role play in the woods lets loose ourslesbvs in fiction 

Lets run away together 





















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Sunday, September 8, 2024

UPDATED Reading list (Adudiobooks!) FREE (to listen to more aduiobooks, to read for fun, here is how to listen to all if not most fo them for free:)

Rding 


https://www.reddit.com/r/Piracy/comments/190g7er/audiobook_download_or_listen_online/

https://fmhy.net/readingpiracyguide#audiobooks

Link

Books / Comics / Manga

Books, Comics, Magazines, Newspapers

Audiobooks ​

Downloading​

Streaming​

Ebooks ​

Public Domain​

Calibre Libraries​

Fanfiction / Stories​

Esoteric / Cultural​

Special Interest​

Visual Media ​

Comics​

Manga​

Manhua / Manhwa​

TIP

Keep in mind that sites in the manga section above also have manhua/manhwa. Comick and Botato for example both have official TLs.

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